Base Mom
by Kate McCaye
Summary: Sam's not doing so hot after Heroes Jack and Daniel try to help.


A/N: Okay, kiddoes, this is my first time to ever try posting something, so I apologize in advance if I do it completely wrong. (I'm crossing my fingers and toes)  
Disclaimer: Don't own these dudes.

Spoilers: Takes place just after "Heroes Part 2"

"Base Mom" 

Colonel Jack O'Neill was sitting on the floor of his on-base quarters, his back against the metal frame of his twin bed, legs splayed, bouncing a rubber ball against the wall opposite him. He caught it and threw it again automatically; a conditioned response. He found the repitition somewhat comforting, and it let his mind wander without letting him lose control. He wasn't sure why he was still on base. He, along with the rest of his team, did not have another off-world mission planned any time soon. But he didn't want to go home. He liked the distractions that often presented themselves on base.

Currently, there was a distraction pacing the hall outside of his quarters. He knew the shuffle well: it was Daniel, no doubt deciding whether or not he had the guts to intrude. "What do you want, Daniel?" he finally called.

The shuffling ceased, and Daniel Jackson poked his head into Jack O'Neill's quarters. "Sorry... is this a bad time?"

"What do you want?" Jack repeated, throwing the ball once more. Daniel caught it.

Jack motioned for him to sit down, but Daniel shook his head. "I've been... wondering whether or not I should let you know about a... situation... for a while now," he confessed, glancing at Jack before looking down at his shoes, which he suddenly found much easier to look at than Jack's face.

"What do you mean, a situation?"

"Well... how do you think Sam's handling it?" he asked. He didn't have to say what "it" was: they both knew.

"Carter's a soldier. She's tough. She'll be okay." Just like the rest of us, he thought sarcastically.

"She's also a woman who just lost her best friend, you do realize that, don't you?" Daniel asked quietly.

"Of course I know she's a woman, Daniel, what's your point?"

Losing his patience, Daniel said, "I think there's something you should see." Jack looked up at him in surprise. Daniel motioned for him to follow, so he did.

"Where are we going?" he asked when they passed Carter's quarters.

"Security room," he said absently.

"Security, why..."

"Just wait."

When they reached the small room that monitored the less high-risk rooms on base, Daniel shut the door behind them. The only Airman in the room looked like he was about to fall asleep. "Could you give us a minute, please," Daniel asked him. He looked surprised at first, but since Dr. Jackson was with the base's 2IC, he nodded and left them alone.

Daniel sat down at his station and started typing on the computer. "Daniel, it's 2:30 in the morning, what are you doing?" Jack asked.

"There," Daniel said, calling up the proper security camera and pointing.

Jack leaned in closer in surprise. It was the work out room. Carter was going postal on the punching bag. She was a highly trained hand-to-hand fighter, but these were not the practiced blows of a trained officer. There was a mad desperation to the way she was attacking the swinging bag. "What is she..."

"Exorcising personal demons," Daniel said quietly. "That's what she said when I called her on it. She also told me to leave her the hell alone."

"And I see you listened well."

"I was too scared to go near her... Jack, that was two weeks ago. She's been in there every night. She's going to hurt herself."

"Maybe this is the only way she knows to deal with her grief... if it's working, I'm not going to be the one to stop her."

"Jack she needs someone to stop her. You guys think alike."

Jack looked at him like he'd gone completely insane. Daniel realized how ridiculous that sounded and corrected himself. "When you're in military mode you do. She thinks I'm too soft."

"Every night. For two weeks," Jack repeated under his breath.

He wasn't really talking to Daniel any more. His face was almost touching the screen. Even from the poor resolution and bad angle, he could tell this was not the action of a person in control. "Okay. But if she knocks me out, I'm coming after you," Jack said abruptly as he hurried out of the room.

He opened the door to the weight room and she didn't even notice. It was even worse to watch in person. Her black tank top was almost soaked through with sweat. Her hands were wrapped hastily in bandages, and he could see blood soaking through the knuckles.

"Want to spar?" he asked loudly over the noises of the punching and kicking of the bag.

She wheeled around in surprise as he approached her. "Sir, what are you doing in here?" she asked, desperately trying to control her breathing.

"I could ask you the same thing, Carter, it's almost three in the morning."

She turned back to the bag and began to hit it again, more in control now though. Okay, he thought. That's the way you want to play it... He moved behind the bag to hold it steady for her, bracing it. He let her hit it for almost a full minute before she spoke again.

"Daniel tell you I was in here." It wasn't a question.

"You had him pretty scared if it took him two weeks to mention it to me."

"There was nothing to tell. Everyone deals with things in their own way."

"Yes, that's true, but how is punishing yourself dealing with anything."

"You wouldn't understand."

"I wouldn't understand? You're not the only one who's lost people close to them, Carter."

"I know."

"So why are you down here in the middle of the night like a caged tiger."

"I don't know. It's all I can think to do."

"Why?"

"So it won't happen again."

"So what won't happen again?"

"Janet," she said simply.

They'd all avoided the beloved name as much as possible. "Here we go," he said quietly.

"I should have been able to stop her from getting hit. I wasn't fast enough. I wasn't good enough. I couldn't even stop you getting hit either, and you were right there..."

"It's not your job to take responsibility for everyone who goes through that gate."

"Janet didn't have enough field time to be left open like that. I should have stayed with her the entire time."

"If you had done that, how many more people would have been killed by the Jaffa that you wouldn't have shot, including yourself maybe..."

"You don't understand," she repeated, sick of talking to him.

"You tell me that a lot. I'm not so sure it's true this time."

"Sir, with all due respect, please shut up or leave."

"Fine."

He waited as she continued to hit the bag, her moves getting less and less in control as her eyes filled more and more with tears. Finally, she stopped. He could see the defeat on her face and quickly stepped between Carter and the punching bag, his own eyes filling with tears as she burst into angry sobs and threw her arms around him.

He hugged her as tight as he could, although his chest wound still hurt, cradling the back of her head in one hand and rocking slightly.

"I wasn't prepared for it, sir... I've run so many scenarios... we've lost Daniel so many times, and Teal'c, and even you, but I never thought it would be Janet... she's the constant, she's the one that's always here waiting to patch us up no matter what mess we get into... god, she was like a mother to the whole base... I wasn't... it never entered my head that anything could happen to her." She sobbed hysterically into his neck.

"I know, I know," he said quietly, over and over. "I think everyone feels the same way, Sam. Nobody here was as close to her as you were, but we all thought of her as sort of... base mom. That was the perfect way to say it. That's why it's so much harder..."

He waited until she was completely exhausted from her work-out and from crying so hysterically. She was completely limp against him.

"Look, Sam... I know I'm not known around here as a spiritual man, that's more Daniel's area of expertise... but I know for a fact that if Daniel could ascend to some higher being, wherever Janet is now, she's got to be in the best place in the universe... or out of it... or whatever. She was an angel on earth, Sam, she's... she's got to be okay, now."

He couldn't think of anything else to say, but she didn't seem to need anything else just then.

After several minutes of him just holding her as tight as he could, he said, "Okay, let's go have a look at what you've done to your hands. I wondered why you were wearing gloves for everything in your lab..."

"I don't want to go to the infirmary," she said firmly, lifting her head off his chest to look firmly in his eyes.

"Neither do I... we'll just grab a first aid kit in the locker room, okay?"

She nodded, still hanging onto the bottom of his tee-shirt with one hand as he led her out of the work-out room with his arm securely around her.

He was glad they didn't come across anybody on their way to the locker room. He knew she wouldn't want anybody to see her like this, and he didn't want them to either. He knew Daniel would take care of the security footage, so he wasn't even nervous about them going into the locker room at the same time.

The room was almost dark, but the lights over by the mirrors were on, so the room was dim. "Why didn't you say something to me about this?" he asked as he started carefully unwrapping the athletic tape around her hands.

"I didn't want to... you know... we're not supposed to get like this over..."

"You know there is nothing you could do that would ever make me think less of you."

She glanced up at him but he was focused on her hands, which was probably for the best, she figured, if they didn't want to break protocol tonight. It was always hardest when they were emotionally raw.

"I haven't exactly been handling it like a soldier either," he admitted.

"Sir?"

"Course, I haven't taken out my anger on the training equipment," he said with a rueful smile. "But I have spent a lot of time doing target practice and a lot of time... staring at the wall. Is it... helping you... to be with Cassie? Or does it make it harder?"

"Both," she confessed, wincing as he peeled away the bloody layers of gauze, leaving her raw, bleeding knuckles exposed.

"Shit, Sam," he exhaled, wincing as he crumpled up all of the bandages in one hand.

"It's not like we haven't had worse," she tried to excuse herself.

"Yeah but if you must get injured, Carter, I prefer it to be accidental, okay?" he asked, leading her over to the sinks and turning on one of the cold taps. She stuck her hands under it, biting her lip in pain as the cold water hit, and stared at the blood running down the basin, mixing with the water, her eyes tearing up again. He busied himself finding a first aid kit, opening it, and finding what he needed.

When her hands were clean and the wounds no longer bleeding that badly, she shut the water off and went back over to him. He was sitting on the bench between the lockers, straddling it with the first aid kit in front of him. She sat down so she could face him, straddling it as well. She thought she could probably do a more efficient job dressing them herself, but she felt like this was something he wanted, and somehow needed, to do for her.

He patted her hands dry with a towel and said, "Okay, first the disinfectant..." he was muttering to himself, focusing intently on the task. He sprayed them with disinfectant, glancing up at her anxiously. "Does it sting?"

"No."

"Good." He found the Liquid Skin and carefully painted it on. He knew from experience that part stung. "Sorry," he said quietly.

"It's okay."

He put band-aids on her upper finger knuckles, leaving the ones on the back of her hands to the Liquid Skin and the air.

"Better?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes, sir. Thank you."

She squeezed his hands briefly.

He nodded, got up, and busied himself with clearing away all the evidence of his impromptu medical services. When he was finished, he stood in front of her, his hands in his pockets. "You're going to be okay, Sam. You're the strongest person I know."

He usually preferred not to speak when given the option, and she greatly appreciated everything he had said, particularly that. "Thank you, sir. For everything."

She stood up and even gave a small smile, which made him feel certain she was okay. "I... think I'll take a shower now, since I'm in here and all..."

"Need any help?" he asked with a rueful grin.

She looked down, blushing, and laughed. "I think I can manage, Colonel."

"I'm sure you can. Good night." He squeezed her arm lightly and left.

She watched him go, noticing that he was walking stiffly... cursing herself as she remembered his chest wound, realizing how much it must have hurt him to have her hugging him like that, she slapped her locker with an open palm, making it ring loudly.

He poked his head back into the locker room. "Carter..." he said in a warning tone.

"Sorry, sir. Everything's fine."

"I'm going to be checking your quarters in half an hour, Major, and you'd better be in them."

"Yes, sir."


End file.
